Waves of Anxiety & Depression

Whenever I meet a new person which we’re talking about vulnerability and mental health, I always try and dodge the word depression. For me, I don’t want it to define me because it already takes over a lot of my day-to-day. 

When I describe my experience and the highs and lows I face, I find it useful to refer to waves. I describe that I’m working towards calmer waves & gentle swells rather than the turbulent crashes I face. 

Currently, I’m in a dramatic swell. One moment I’m larger than life and the next, I’m down at the bottom, swirling around like I’m in a rip current. The irony of this is that in the science of wave-current interaction is that rip currents can last days or weeks which in my case, tends to be the pattern. I’ll have some great periods and then some crippling ones. 

These waves have a knock-on effect. Work, relationships, social interactions, and my general confidence gets knocked back. For me, my instant reaction is to mask and hide whatever is going on. A lot of people don’t know when they interact with me. I’m just bubbly and colourful Chip. But that isn’t always the case. It’s not that I’m lying but the reaction to the mask is a comfy blanket to protect myself and others around me. 

I don’t want to bring people down. I don’t want to worry others. I want to be a pillar of strength for the people I interact with and that’s why I wear my professional hat on. 

Once in a while, I’ll open up to a peer or friend when they are going through a tough time because it is the absolute worst to feel alone and isolated. 

But I am opening up. Slowly and surely, I am practicing vulnerability and implementing things to help bring my waves down from the crashes to gentle waves, propelling me day-to-day. 

I’m currently listening to Brené Brown which you can click on over at our Podcast section.